CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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