And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
