have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
