The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
