margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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