It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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