would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
