whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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