I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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