Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
