Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
