if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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