i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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