Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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