she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
