First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
