2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
