last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
