So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
