Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
