well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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