Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
