I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
