i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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