Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Send help, water and tortillas.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer