Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.