true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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