What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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