No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous