btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard