So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.