Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
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A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal