and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
