he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
