you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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