this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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