There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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