someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
