hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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