The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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