you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
