Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
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at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
FUCK WHALES
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