the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
