So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
