Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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