So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
