you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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