in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
