My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Drunk is a universal language darling
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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