So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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