Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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