I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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