grandma shit on top of the toilet
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
