we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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