She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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