I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
