Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
