so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
