3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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