I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize