Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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