oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Even my vagina gasped.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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