I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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