bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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