im drinking this country out of the recession.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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