so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
