well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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