I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
