Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
