In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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