I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
