i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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