Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
