party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
