I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
