i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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